


Marry, shag or throw off a cliff.

by Pairagoose



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Other, playing a game, surprise couple - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 06:19:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7563583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pairagoose/pseuds/Pairagoose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After enduring some of Allura's team bonding exercises the paladins convince her that on Earth teams bond by playing games together. This leads to a game of marry, shag or throw off a cliff which ends with some surprising results.<br/>There is a 'couple' at the end but looking at is sideways several different ones are possible. Probably set early on in the series so no actual spoilers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Marry, shag or throw off a cliff.

**Author's Note:**

> This all happened because I watched an old video with cast from a show answering the question and the idea of these guys playing it wouldn't leave me alone.

Allura tracked the paladins to the lounge, finding them stretched out on the couches, taking it easy and sipping on energy drink pouches. She stormed over to the couches, standing with one hand on her hip and angrily shaking a finger at them. “What was going on today? You’re supposed to be working as team.”

They had just endured five, horribly failed attempts at the princess’s favourite team building exercise, of protect each others back battle simulator. Sometimes the fail was an accidental letting each other get hit, but more often than not it happened when Keith and Lance were going out of the their to try and have the other knocked out first and usually ended up in a save yourself first competition between the others. 

“Maybe we should do a few rounds in the maze.” Coran suggested as he came up behind Allura, causing all the paladins to groan loudly. 

“You know this is not how team spirit is boosted back on Earth.” Lance complained.

“Really?” Allura looked a little skeptical but when the others all nodded she decided it might be true, after all she knew nothing about Earth culture. “How do you do team bonding exercises on Earth?”

“We just chill out together.” Lance said.

“Chill out?” Allura looked confused. “So we need an icy simulator…”

“That’s not what it means.” Lance said quickly, fearing they would all catch hypothermia if the princess was allowed to progress any further with her idea. “I mean we just relax as a team, or party… ya know have a few drinks, play a few games.”

“Games?” Allura looked perplexed, not getting how playing games would help strength the paladins as team. 

“Great idea, Lance!” Hunk said cheerfully as slapped Lance on the back of the shoulder. 

“Really?” Allura looked more confused than ever, Earthlings were surely a strange bunch. 

“Actually Lance ay have a point. Playing a few games may lighten everyone’s mood.” Shiro said.

“Alright…” Allura was still a little hesitant, but most times Shiro seemed to have a good head on his shoulders so she was inclined to take his word on it. “What sort of games?” She asked as both her and Coran moved to take a seat on the couches. 

“Beer pong!” Hunk voted excitedly, swishing a make believe paddle.

“Great idea but… we don’t have any beer.” Lance reminded Hunk.

“What’s beer?” Coran asked.

“An alcoholic beverage.” Shiro explained. 

“We could use nunvill.” Coran suggested.

“Hell no.” All the paladins proclaimed in unison.

“Sorry, pal. Looks like we’ll have to save that for a later date.” Lance said, giving Hunk a pat on the shoulder to comfort his crestfallen friend. “What about seven minutes in heaven.” 

“No… just no.” Pidge said with a shake of the head, there was no way that game could end up going well.

“I think that it could be fun.” Hunk said.

“I said no.” Pidge growled, glaring at Lance for having suggested it.

“Is it that bad of a game?” Allura asked.

“It’s actually a wonderful game.” Lance grinned. “You spin a bottle and then whoever it points to you go into a closet together and spend seven minutes making out.”

“You wouldn’t think it was so wonderful if you ended up with Coran.” Keith told Lance.

“Oh…” Lance paled and looked sick. “I hadn’t thought about that. On second thought… let’s not play that.“So how about truth or dare? That could be fun.” 

“It’s more fun if you have beer, but it could work.” Hunk said. 

“Or it could be terrifying.” Pidge shuddered. “I mean imagine the dares the princess would come up with.”

“I think I’d be more afraid of Keith’s idea of a dare. Someone would no doubt end up in a healing pod.” Shiro said, and instantly felt the heat of Keith’s glare. “Does anyone have a suggestion that isn’t a frat, or even more immature level, party game?”

“Dungeons and Dragons.” Pidge suggested.

That’s so geeky.” Lance laughed, obviously embarrassing Pidge and earning himself a hard smack in the back of the head from Keith. “What the hell?” Keith merely glared at him, not answering his question.

“That game is probably a little too hard for Lance. Besides, we don’t have everything we’d need to get a real good game of it going.” Hunk said.

Lance scowled. “Any other suggestions?” He asked looking back and forth at Keith and Shiro.

Keith really didn’t know much about games, the only one he remembered the kids playing at the orphanage was hide and seek. It hadn’t taken long before the other kids stopped asking him to play. No one could ever find him, not his fault nobody bothered to look on the roof and if he was it well… he just never bothered to look for anyone and would use the time to find a quiet place to read instead. Unable to think of anything else he merely shrugged. 

“Big shock, mullet head can’t think of anything fun.” Lance laughed.

“We could arm wrestle.” Shiro suggested, flexing his artificial arm. 

“That wouldn’t be a fair game.” Lance complained. 

“It would be like taking a spoon to a knife fight.” Pidge said.

Allura once again found herself wondering how playing a game was suppose to help them bond as a team, especially when they couldn’t even seem to agree on a game.

“How about marry, shag or throw off a cliff.” Lance grinned. “A simple yet fun game.”

“What sort of game is that?” Allura asked. “It sounds rather dangerous.” It was hard to tell whether than made her nervous or excited. 

“Nah, not at all. You simply say who in the group you would want to marry, who you want to shag and who you simply want to throw off a cliff.” Lance explained as he grinned very suggestively at Allura.

“We had something similar to that, but we called it betrothal, bed or bury.” Coran said, staring off into the distance as he started to reminisce.

“Probably close enough.” Lance said, still grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“Any complaints?” Shiro asked. Nobody spoke up. “Alright, let’s do it. Who should go first?”

“We could draw names.” Allura suggested pulling out a pen and notepad, she had been using to grade the paladins performance during their training exercise. 

“That’s probably the fairest option.” Shiro said. 

Allura each of their names on little scrapes of pair and Coran found a cup to put them in. “It was your idea so you get to draw the names.” She told Lance as she handed him the cup.

“Great.” Lance shook the pieces of paper around in the cup and drew the first name. “Hunk, you’re first.”

“Really? Ummm… let’s see…” Hunk carefully thought about his answers. “I’d marry Pidge.”

“Why Pidge?” Lance looked surprised by the answer

“Pidge is real smart and can build some awesome computer stuff. So it would keep the marriage interesting.” Hunk said.

“Thank you, Hunk.” Pidge said, seeming pleased with the big man’s answer. 

“And I would definitely shag Keith…” Hunk said, grinning slightly when that made Keith turn redder than his lion. “And throw Lance off a cliff.” 

“What? Why me? I thought we were pals.” Lance whined. 

Hunk grinned. “Seemed like the best option.” He shrugged slightly. 

“You’re breaking my heart.” Lance sighed.

“Quite being so damn mellow dramatic and draw the next name.” Keith growled. 

“Fine.” Lance fished around the cup for the next name, thinking that this time he results would be more to his liking. “Okay, Pidge, it’s your turn.” 

“Okay…” Pidge looked everyone over, seeming to be carefully weighing each response. “I’d marry Hunk.” 

“Really?” Hunk looked pleasantly surprised.

“Yup. For the good home cooked meals.”Pidge grinned.

“I suppose that’s logical. Hunk is the best cook here.” Lance said. 

“What about my cooking?” Coran looking slightly offended. “I can prepare some of the finest Altean delicacies.”

“Green food goo that’s one step away from becoming a sentient life form is not a delicacy.” Lance said 

“You Earthlings just don’t know what good food really is. And the green goo, as you call it, has only gone rouge once.” Coran said. Everyone stared at him trying to decide if he was being serious, but nobody asked since they weren’t sure they really wanted to know the answer. 

“Okay, moving on I’d shag Keith.” Pidge grinned.

“Why him? Why not me? Or anyone else?” Lance complained.

“Because he has the whole bad boy thing going on, so I’m sure that could make for some very fun times.” Pidge grinned. 

“I’d be thousand times more fun in bed than him.” Lance complained. 

“If helps I’d throw you off the cliff.” Pidge told Lance with a smirk.

“How is that supposed to help? And why did you also have to pick me?” Lance complained.

“You’re annoying.” Pidge said, leveling a flat stare at Lance. 

“I don’t know if I want to keep playing.” Lance mumbled.

“I do. This game is certainly a lot of fun.” Allura smiled.

“Really?” Lance perked up a little. “Okay, I’ll draw the next name…” He pulled out the third piece of paper. “Coran.”

“Oh my.” Coran said his moustache quivering slightly. “It would be a little strange to pick the princess as my betrothed so maybe…” He looked around at the paladins. “I suppose Hunk. We could have sharing recipes and cooking together. And now for who I would take to bed…”

“Say my name and I will kill you.” Keith threatened.

“Umm…” Coran looked nervous, he had been thinking of saying the red paladin’s name but that threat sounded a little too serious. “Shiro. I’d take Shiro to bed.” 

“Um… yeah…” Shiro didn’t know how to respond. “Who would you throw off a cliff?” 

“The Altean version is bury.” Coran corrected Shiro. “And I would bury Lance.” 

“Again? Why me?” Lance whined slightly, once again starting to pout over the results. 

“Well I suppose what the others have said is true, you are annoying.” Coran said.

“I’m not annoying.” Lance muttered.

“Quit whining or I’ll give you something to really complain about.” Keith threatened Lance with a cold glare. 

“Now, Keith…” Shiro started with a scolding tone. “I am sure there’s no reason for violence, let’s just keep having fun.” 

“Fine.” Keith grumbled, with his folded firmly across his chest. 

Lance drew the next name. “Shiro, you’re up.” He grinned, surely after reprimanding Keith like he just had Shiro would have more favourable responses. 

“Well almost have to flip a coin to pick who I’d marry. It’s a toss up between Pidge and Allura.” 

“You could marry both of us.” Allura suggested with a grin. “Right, Pidge?”

“I’d be cool with that.” Pidge nodded.

“That’s not how the game works. You can only pick one.” Lance complained.

“Too bad, it’s already decided.” Pidge smirked. “So then who would you be shagging?” 

“That one is a little easier, I’d choose Keith.” Shiro grinned.

“Why me?” Keith asked, his cheeks a dark shade of crimson. 

“Yeah. Why him?” Lance complained.

“It would be very interesting sex.” Shiro said.

“Exactly what I thought.” Pidge agreed with Shiro. 

“You’re fools. I bet he’s horrible in bed.” Lance said.

“Sounds like a losing bet to me.” Pidge chuckled. 

“No way, I would so win. That idiot probably does know what…” Lance started to rant, but Shiro quickly cut him off.

“Are you interesting in knowing who I’d throw off a cliff?” Shiro asked.

Lance looked at Shiro with a big grin. “Sure, buddy. Who would you throw off a cliff?” He tried asking sweetly, positive that would make Shiro say someone other than him. 

“That would be you, Lance.” Shiro tried hard to keep a straight face, but a slight smile still made its way onto his lips.

“That’s not fair.” Lance sighed wondering why everyone was picking on him. “Let me guess, you’re going to say it’s because I’m annoying, aren’t you?”

“Yep.” Shiro grinned.

Lance gave a deep exasperated sigh, but didn’t complain as just drew he next name. “Aw hell, Keith.” 

“I’d throw Lance off a cliff in a heartbeat.” Keith said.

“We all could have guessed that.” Shiro chuckled.

“Yeah.” Hunk nodded. “And you’re suppose to start with the other two, that’s why it’s marry, shag or throw off a cliff.” 

“I’ll stick with throwing Lance off the cliff.” Keith responded, in a very matter-of-fact tone.

“But who would you marry?” Pidge asked.

“And who would you shag?” Allura asked, blushing slightly. 

“No one, only the last one matters, throw Lance off of a cliff, the higher the cliff the better.” Keith said. 

“Too damn bad, you have to play the game right. Pick who you’d marry and who you’d shag.” Lance smirked slightly, thinking he finally had a chance to embarrass Keith. 

“Fine.” Keith snarled. “I would marry Lance, have sex on the honeymoon and then throw him off the cliff. 

For a long moment everyone sat there in stunned silence simple staring at Keith. 

“Wh…what?” Lance screeched slightly.

“You heard what I said.” Keith smirked at Lance’s discomfort.

“Um… do you mind explaining why?” Shiro asked.

“He may as well die feeling satisfied but at the same time knowing I am far better in bed then he could ever hope of being.” Keith said.

“Oh… and the marrying part?” Hunk asked.

“To claim the life insurance policy.” Keith said. He sounded so serious that everyone, with the exception of Lance started laughing. 

“It wasn’t that funny.” Lance pouted, his arms folded and his bottom lip out. 

“It was more than funny, it’s hilarious. The look on your face when he said it…” Hunk said before starting to laugh even harder.

“Oh shut up!” Lance snarled. “There’s only two names left so let’s get on with it.” He said aggressively grabbing one of two pieces and looking at it. “Oh, Allura. It’s your turn princess.” 

“Hmm… I think I’d have to take Shiro for my betrothed.” Allura said.

“Why him? Why not me?” Lance complained.

“Shiro is the most mature.” Allura said.

“Oh…. I guess.” Lance sighed. “So would you take me to bed?” He asked hopefully as he gave the princess a suggestive grin and wiggled his eyebrows.

“Ah… no. Absolutely not.” Allura said.

“You didn’t have to say so cruelly.” Lance pouted, wondering how his epic flirting skills always failed so miserably with the princess, thinking that perhaps Altean’s had a different method of flirting. 

“Who would you pick to go to bed with, princess?” Pidge asked.

“Well of course I would pick Keith.” Allura grinned. 

“This just keeps getting worse.” Lance mumbled. “Why him?” 

“Like Pidge said, that whole bad boy thing is quite attractive.” Allura said.

“But I’m bad to the bone.” Lance insisted.

“Yeah, you’re bad at a lot of things like piloting, fighting, anything requiring coordination and probably bad in bed.” Keith said.

“Yeah? Well… well you’re...” Lance stammered trying to think of a good comeback.

“I’m what?” Keith urged Lance to finished.

“Even worse.” Lance fired back. It was lame but it was all he had. 

“Well, your name is the only one left so why don’t you just tell us your picks.” Shiro told Lance.

“Alright. My picks are too marry to Allura.” Lance grinned at the princess.

“No. I decline.” Allura said.

“Why don’t either of those answers surprise me?” Pidge giggled. 

“You can’t decline.” Lance said.

“Of course I can.” Allura said.

“Fine. What about shagging?” Lance suggested hopefully.

“No. And don’t go saying my name twice.” Allura said.

“Keith got away with it.” Lance muttered.

“Just pick someone different, buddy. And don’t pick me either.” Hunk told Lance.

“Fine, I pick Sh..” Lance started to say but Shiro quickly cut him off. 

“Don’t even think it.” Shiro threatened. 

Lance gave a dramatic sigh, it seemed like he was left with three options and there was no way he was saying Coran, so that left Pidge or Keith deciding the latter would be the most annoyed with being picked. “Fine. I’d shag Keith.” 

“Why the hell did you pick me?” Keith asked, looking more than a little embarrassed.

“Everyone else did, so why not?” Lance shrugged.

“Everyone else also wanted to throw you off a cliff.” Keith pointed out.

“Yeah…” Lance sulked for a moment. “Well fine.” He said as he jumped to his feet. “Since you all want to throw me off a cliff I’ll just pick to jump off the cliff myself.” He said before storming out of the room.

“Someone’s a sore loser.” Pidge said.

“If Lance lost who won?” Allura asked.

“If he does successfully throw him off a cliff we all win.” Keith said as he stood up. “I’ll be sure he gets it done right.” he finished as he headed for the door.

“Keith, we’re on a ship in the middle of space. There is no cliff.” Shiro reminded him.

“So I’ll blast him out the airlock.” Keith said before walking out the door. 

“He’s joking right?” Allura asked.

“Of course… probably.” Shiro chuckled. “I think he was using it as an opportunity to get out of here before we started to play another game.

“Oh.” Allura’s eyes light up. “That last game was a lot fun, so what are we going to play this time?”

They all began to debate what game they wanted to play next, and whether it should be another Earth game or if they should go with an Altean game this time.

 

It didn’t take Keith very long to catch up to Lance. “Never would have picked you for a sore loser.”

“I didn’t exactly lose.” Lance turned to glare at Keith. “And I’m not a sore loser. I’m just…”

“Just?”

“Annoyed. Everyone wanted to throw me off a cliff and have sex with you.” Lance complained.

“I’m no more impressed by that last part than you are, but it’s obvious that everyone knows I’d just be better in bed than you.” Keith smirked.

“You’re delusional. There’s no way you’re better in bed than me.” Lance said.

“Care to place a wager on that?” Keith asked.

“What?” Lance looked confused. 

“A wager on whose better in bed.” Keith said. “If I win you have to wear one of Allura’s dresses for a week.”

“Well if I win you have to cut your hair, a brush cut.” Lance smirked. 

“Alright.” Keith agreed.

“Alright.” Lance moved to shake Keith’s hand to seal the deal. “Wait… how are we going to find out who is better in bed?”

“There’s only one way we can do it.” Keith said.

“Which is?” Lance looked confused for a moment and then it suddenly dawned on him. “Oh... you mean… you… me…” 

“Yes.” Keith nodded.

“Oh... well I guess it’s the only way to find out for sure which one of us in better in bed.” Lance said.

Keith nodded. “It is the only way.” 

“Should we do it now?” Lance asked.

“Seems like as good of time as any.” Keith said.

“Okay. Let’s do it.” Lance grinned. He had no idea who would be the winner and who would be the loser but he was positive that he was going to have a hell of a good time finding out, perhaps the game of marry, shag or throw off a cliff hadn’t gone so badly after all.


End file.
